Baseball Asshole Sues Trainer

Yesterday evening Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens sued his former trainer, Brian McNamee, for defamation of character after McNamee admitted to Congressional investigators that he had injected the player with steroids and human grown hormone. Clemens, of course, maintains that he has never used performance enhancing drugs, and that McNamee was coerced under threat of jail time into giving up his name to the investigators.

Almost immediately after filing the lawsuit, he went on the give one of the most whiny-assed interviews I’ve ever seen on 60 Minutes. Of the accusations he stated: “If [McNamee]’s doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead,” he paused to allow the audience to search his forehead for any signs of a third ear. He continued, “I should be pulling tractors with my teeth,” all the while looking like he was more than able to pull a tractor with his teeth should the situation arise. To be fair to Clemens, I didn’t see a third ear growing out of his forehead, but I’m also pretty sure that growing additional ears isn’t a common side-effect of steroid use.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve officially reached my saturation point for whiny baseball players who are acting like martyrs now that they’ve been caught for cheating. I’m not sure what makes these shitheals think that they can play the victim card after blatantly cheating at their disgustingly high-paying jobs, and I sure as hell don’t understand how they think they deserve sympathy for doing so.

If I got caught cheating at my job I would be fired immediately, and rightfully so. No one would give me the chance to cry like a little bitch on 60 Minutes, I’d just have to suck it up and find a new job. Unlike professional athletes, I couldn’t retire and live off the tens of millions I have in the bank, and I certainly couldn’t continue to earn revenue from product endorsements long after I’d been professional and personally disgraced.

My concern about this lawsuit is that it might generate a little sympathy, not just for Clemens, but for McNamee as well. Let’s not kid ourselves, this trainer is just as guilty as anyone else here. He not only encouraged the use of illegal, performance enhancing drugs, but he actually injected them into players on regular occasions. This guy is worse than a common pusher. Not only he profiting on the use of illegal drugs, but in doing so he’s also sacrificing whatever hint of dignity America’s pastime had left, which, admittedly, isn’t much.

These assholes shouldn’t be giving weepy interviews between rounds of golf at the country club and meetings with their financial planners, they should be serving time.

This has been Dave sayin’: “I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn’t easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he’s a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.”

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